Don’t Let Me Go

A piece I wrote based off the Avril Lavigne song, “Don’t Let Me Go” ft. Chad Kroeger.

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“Is this really what you think!? Am I really that annoying and selfish to you?” Hayley glared at the man standing three feet away. This man isn’t who she has been with for the last three years. The man she was dating would cook dinner for her when she was feeling ill. He would look into her brown eyes when she spoke.

When her mother died two years ago, he wouldn’t leave her side in fear that he would lose her. Hayley had locked herself in her room refusing to come out for any reason, Hayley’s family feared that she would never be the same. When Steven knocked on her door asking to come in she responded saying, “Leave me alone! I just want to be with my mother.” When he heard that his heart shattered. He ignored her, instead he went out to their backyard and climbed up the patio. He paused and watched her, taking in her broken state. He walked through the screen door and wrapped his arms around her tightly. He ignored her shouts telling him leave, he lied in bed with her listening to her cry. He didn’t say the clichés, “It will get better.” or “Your mother’s in a better place now.” Or “She wouldn’t want you to cry.” He said nothing, he just laid there.

“If you felt this way all this time, why did you spend five years with me? Why did you pretend to love me? What am I to you? You wouldn’t do this to me!” Hayley continued on. There was a wall separating her and Steven. The man she wants to marry and have kids with, wants to break up.

“I love you but I can’t help how I feel at this point in our relationship. I think it’s best if we take a break. I need time to figure things out and you need this time as well. I know you have issues that you need to work out,” He didn’t understand what was going on. All he wanted was a break, some space. Was that too much to ask? All couples have breaks at different points in their relationship, it’s normal thing.

“Is that all you’re going to say to me? We both have things we need to work out, every couple does. That doesn’t mean they have to break up. Is this really what you want to do?” Hayley couldn’t believe the words Steven spoke. He really didn’t see what he did wrong, he loves Hayley but needs a break. He wants time to clear his head. He needs time to clear his head. He loves everything about her. The way her brown eyes glisten when she smiled or cried, that shine in her eyes let him knew that his girlfriend was alive and well. He loves the dimples that appear on her face when she laughs too hard. Her chocolate brown hair was his favorite thing about her, no matter the weather or hairstyles it was perfect. It was always soft with a natural shine. His favorite hairstyle of her’s was when she cut it down to shoulder length then dyed the ends lavender.

“I’m sorry, but yes it is. I need this and so do you,” Steven spoke.
“Don’t you dare say that you are sorry! It’s too late for your apology,” And with that, Hayley left.

Three hours later, Hayley returned. She went to the park where her and Steven first met. They were both sixteen, young and stupid. Eager to find themselves through someone else. They had this dream where they were to bump into each other in a public place, look into each other’s eyes and fall in love. They both wanted the Bonnie & Clyde love, dangerous yet romantic. When they met, it was messy and awkward.

Hayley was sitting on a bench texting her friend. Her and her mother had another one of their fights. This time it was over her mother’s decision to move, the last thing Hayley wanted was to move. How could she just move away from all her friends? Steven was playing basketball with his friends, they were practicing for their game next week. His friend threw the ball in Steven’s direction but he threw it too high and it went over Steven’s head and made it’s way towards Hayley. It didn’t hit her, it just landed next to her causing her to scream.

The memory faded away as Hayley opened the front door, she found the house empty. He was gone. Steven collected his things and left. He didn’t look back. He took the paintings that contained the love they both shared for each other. They brought three paintings for their house, they brought them the day after they sealed the deal on the house. It was also three weeks since they confessed their love. The paintings came in a set of three. The first painting was of a girl sitting alone in a dark room staring out a window staring at something with hopeful eyes. The second painting was a boy sitting on a bench staring into a window in the rain with that same hope glistening in his eyes. The final painting was a girl and a boy standing in the sunshine embracing each other with bright smiles.

While Hayley was gone, she thought back to how the fight started. It was all because of that text. Steven texted a friend telling them that he wanted out of this relationship that was built on miscommunication. He told his friend he felt like he was back with the sixteen year old Hayley who was selfish, demanding, and had this desire to be right all the time. Hayley saw the text when she went to make a call on his phone. Hayley walked into the living room and found the phone that caused the relationship to fail. There was a recording waiting to be heard. The recording was the only way Steven could express his true feelings. He could talk to Hayley but it would be a waste. She was hearing him but she wasn’t truly listening. She pressed play.

“You came back to find I was gone. And that place is empty like the hole that you left in me. It felt like we were nothing anymore, it’s not anything you said to me. I really thought we were meant to be, there isn’t one thing left you could say. I’m sorry it’s too late.”

Five years later, Hayley still dwells in the past. She continues to believe one day she’ll wake up, call Steven to mend things. All she wants is to  get back to that good place they were once in. She refuses to understand that their two apologies led to their new lives apart. Hayley still lived in the house, she couldn’t say her house. If she were to say that then she would have to truly accept that her first love was gone. She thought about Steven constantly, more than she did when she first met him. Every night she lies in their old bed, thinking about the good times

One memory replays in her head. Steven and Hayley were walking around the park when they saw these little kids playing. They were twins, a boy and a girl. They were matching, the girl was wearing a red and white striped dress with red sneakers. The boy was wearing a white shirt with red pants and white sneakers. The twins were playing tag; running around a large tree when the girl fell down then started crying. The boy stopped running and looked at his crying sister before walking over towards her and flopped on the ground. He begin to fake cry as if he was hurt. He didn’t want his sister to feel alone. Hayley’s eyes glistened as she watched the adorable scene in front of her play out. Ever since seeing those two, they dreamed of having kids together.

Steven still thought about Hayley, he thought about growing old with her. Steven moved into a one bedroom apartment in a building not far from the house. He hung the three paintings in his bedroom, those paintings were the last piece of her he had. The portrait of the girl was hung on the middle wall, when he hung it up he thought; Right in the middle where she belongs.

Hayley sat on the floor in the living room where she found Steven’s phone. That spot became the spot. Where she would go whenever she thought about him, which was often. That spot was the last piece of Steven she had. Steven sat in the park where they first met. He thought about that day, he wondered if they ever would’ve met if his friend never threw the ball too high. He wondered if their love was fate.

“Don’t let me go,” They both whispered.